


I Wish I'd Known You When

by helens78



Category: due South
Genre: Kinks, M/M, One of My Favorites, Scars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-23
Updated: 2010-08-23
Packaged: 2017-10-11 05:17:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/108827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helens78/pseuds/helens78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fraser's gotten very interested in Ray's scars, and Ray would really rather not get into where they come from.  But this is <em>Fraser</em>: does Ray honestly think Fraser doesn't know a scar from a signal whip when he sees one?</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Wish I'd Known You When

**Author's Note:**

> This is primarily a story that revolves around talking about kinks rather than playing with them, but in case some of the subject material warrants caution for any of you folks, Ray thinks about (or talks about) the following experiences in his past: whipping with a singletail, flogging with ball chain, burn play including cigarettes, deliberate scarring, pegging, a kickass-awesome-caretaking domme, and youthful mistakes.

Fraser's big on touch. Fraser likes exploring everything Ray's got, from his hair to his toes and _between_ his toes, even. On a good rainy afternoon, sometimes Fraser spends hours just running his fingertips all over Ray's body, spending some nice extra-special time on Ray's thighs, or his balls, or that spot between his balls and his asshole, which Ray had never even realized _had_ all those pleasure-sensitive nerve endings until Fraser, because seriously, who went looking for hot spots _there_ when all the good stuff was in front of or behind it?

But lately Fraser's had a thing for that little circular scar on the back of Ray's arm, near the elbow, or the bumpy scrape just above Ray's right asscheek, or maybe that set of three long lines on the back of Ray's right thigh. He hasn't asked about the line across Ray's shoulderblades, top of left to bottom of right, and he hasn't asked about the healed-over pinpoint dots on Ray's left hip, but he's noticed them--Ray's had Fraser's tongue on them a few times now when Fraser thought he was being sneaky and clever, just making his way to Ray's cock.

Fraser's clever as hell, Ray'll give him that for free. But sneaky? No. Fraser is not sneaky. Fraser has been collecting data on all of Ray's scars, the ones he recognizes and the ones he doesn't know anything about, and every time Fraser lingers on one, Ray gets all antsy and nervous and tries to change the subject quick--although "change the subject" usually means "get Fraser to lick something else", so it's not like it's a hardship.

So one Saturday afternoon, Fraser rolls Ray onto his stomach and starts licking and nipping Ray's shoulders, and oh yeah, oh _yeah_, Ray could handle this for a while, Ray could handle this for hours, until lunchtime maybe, except--

\--except, fuck, that's his scar, that's his _scar_ Fraser's licking, and he's going from the point where the whip first hit, down low, and tracing that mark all the way up and over Ray's left shoulder, and oh God, oh God, Ray just wishes he wouldn't, because this is not supposed to be--Fraser's not that kind of guy, this needs to stop being so goddamned hot right now, like _yesterday_.

But Ray remembers it, remembers the signal whip breaking skin and the way he'd felt so _good_ afterwards, hyped up on endorphins and sure he could take on the world, and then Gina drilled into him hard, her strap-on pushing into his ass as she held onto his hair and made him scream...

"Unhh," Ray grunts, "Frase--Fraser--c'mon, lower--" Fraser doesn't take the hint, though; he just slides his tongue back to the lower edge of that scar. "Or, or higher, okay, higher, please, Frase--" Back to the top of the scar now. Ray's back is starting to itch. "Just--stop teasing, c'mon, for fuck's sake, just do me, do me, I _want_ you to--" It's not a lie, he does want it, he always wants it, but when Fraser's got one of Ray's scars between his teeth, he has to admit it's more to distract the guy than because he wants to get fucked right that second.

"Ray, I'm not--" Fraser curls in closer, wraps both arms around Ray's shoulders and blocks him in completely, and Ray starts sweating--not because Fraser's warm, though of course he's warm, but because Fraser's got him _pinned_. No escape this time, and Ray bites his lower lip, trying not to freak.

"Fraser--"

"I'm not judging you," Fraser whispers. He leans up and kisses the side of Ray's neck. "I promise."

_Not judging you?_ Ray shakes his head fiercely, tries to get some words back. "I just, it was the wrong way, I went left, he went right--"

Fraser stops moving, suddenly going stiff against Ray's back. "What?"

"The, the--you know, you were--" _Licking it a minute ago_, Ray thinks. "Just, it's like you're trying to figure out what it _is_, and I'm saying it was nothing, it wasn't anything, I wasn't in any danger or anything like that--"

At least one piece of that babbled bullshit was the truth; he certainly wasn't in danger. Gina was a great top, always knew what she was doing, and she helped clean up the cut when everything was over, made sure it didn't get infected or anything. She took better care of him than he'd wanted to take with himself, though she'd at least been willing to give him the scars he'd begged for.

But he doesn't think he can bear to tell Fraser that story--any of these stories. He doesn't want to talk about the ball chain flogger he was so damned in love with in his early twenties; he doesn't want to talk about the cigarette scars he picked up when he was nineteen and stupid. Even Gina's marks are... they're _personal_, damn it. They were the first scars he picked up on purpose, because he was _happy_, because he liked her and she liked him and they weren't in this constant struggle to get the other person to like them _as much_, to have the other person's feelings measure up somehow.

It's like that with Fraser, but it's _not_ like that with Fraser. They've got the not-so-competitive affection going on, but the rest--the rest isn't--

Ray blows out a breath and shakes his head. "It was nothing, okay?" he says, glad he's not looking at Fraser when he puts the words out there.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," Fraser murmurs, lips brushing Ray's shoulder just below the scar. "It's all right. But--Ray, I should really apologize."

That gets Ray's attention; he looks back over his shoulder, frowning. "Apologize? What the hell for?"

Now Fraser's looking embarrassed, or if Ray's not missing the mark too badly, maybe a little ashamed. "I should have realized you'd want to keep these marks private--between you and your former partners, I mean."

"My--what?" Ray can almost feel the blood rushing out of his face, can almost feel the way he's going pale.

"I was envious," Fraser says, very very quietly, not meeting Ray's eyes anymore. He rolls off Ray and turns away completely, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and cradling his head in his hands. "I'm sorry, Ray."

Ray blinks and follows Fraser up and over, sitting up next to him and sliding a hand onto Fraser's thigh. "You're kinda leaving me behind here," Ray murmurs. "What do you mean, _envious_?"

"I mean I wish I'd known you when you were looking for someone who had a good hand with a singletail," Fraser says, still very quietly, and he rubs at his eyebrow after he says it. "And I know I'm being selfish and there's nothing wrong with what we have and I'm _sorry_, Ray. I really am sorry."

Ray shifts, sliding off the bed and onto his knees. He comes up between Fraser's legs, putting his hands on Fraser's thighs and looking up at him. Fraser eventually stops rubbing at his eyebrow and looks down at Ray, reaching out to cup Ray's face in his hands.

"You don't miss a trick, do you?" Ray murmurs. "I been thinking you'd flip out if you knew where my scars came from--"

"I still haven't figured out your right hip," Fraser admits. "But the rest..."

"Fire play," Ray says, feeling his cheeks heat. "I was really into fire play for a while there." He brings his left arm up, shows Fraser the cigarette mark. "This one too."

Fraser reaches down and rubs his thumb over the scar, and something in the slow, tentative way he does it makes Ray's nipples get tight and his cock get hard, like he's one of those pointers getting pulled to north in a compass. "I thought this one might have been a mistake," Fraser murmurs.

"Well, I was a kid, I wasn't exactly trying hard to be safe, so kinda yeah," Ray admits, gaze flicking away. "But not an _accident_ mistake, you know?"

"Yes, I understand," Fraser says immediately--so immediately Ray wonders what the hell he means by it. Ray's seen every inch of Fraser's body and he knows Fraser's scars inside and out--everything from the otter scar to the bullet left behind by the other Ray, and none of it's ever said _kinky_ to Ray. "I meant it, Ray, what I said about us--I've never felt as though our relationship lacks anything. I'm _happy_ with you," and the way he says that both warms Ray up and makes him feel like tugging Fraser in for a hug, because God, he sounds like being happy with somebody for a few months, for the few months they've had this, is the best, brightest thing he's had in his entire _life_.

And it's Fraser, so maybe it is. Ray comes up on his feet and gives Fraser that hug, pulling him as close as close gets.

Later, when Fraser's stopped breathing so hard and Ray's arms are a little tired from hugging Fraser so close, Fraser pulls Ray back into bed. They get stretched out on their sides, and Ray slides his hand through Fraser's hair, giving it that back-and-forth scratch Fraser's always liked so much.

"What you said earlier," Ray whispers. "About wishing you'd known me when."

Fraser blinks at him. "I--yes?"

"You got a singletail, Benton?"

Fraser's eyes go dark, and he shivers head-to-foot. He squirms closer to Ray, and Ray can feel Fraser's hard-on, not least because Fraser's rubbing it against Ray's thigh.

"I don't, right now," Fraser murmurs, "but I know where I can get one."

_-end-_


End file.
